The Lesser Road (racism)

I walk a different path to you.

There’s some vulnerability in my words and honesty embedded between them. I can’t claim for it to be the truth, but it’s my truth and one which I’ve come to know and acknowledge. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. I’ve developed somewhat of a thick skin. A form of resilience. Of durability. One which I once had a distaste for. Not for it but my need for it. Something which has now become a thing I value and appreciate.

I’ve grown to become increasingly aware that my brown skin makes me a target, my image problematic and my name, difficult. As if, instinctively, it incites an imprudent thought/reaction from some. Recognisably, a large “some”. A response they were conditioned to form. Wherever that conditioning was learnt from.

The vast majority of us make judgements based on previous understandings and simply embrace the comfort that familiarity brings. I don’t think it’s a secret to say that many embody this way of thought.

Do I blame them (people/us) for this? No, not necessarily.

We’re constantly embedded in a world so engrossed in disparities, inconsistencies, differences, inequalities. Searching for something to hold onto, that seems/feels/is accustomed and comfortable for us.

But what if you were made to feel less, because of these disparities and differences. That somehow, whilst surrounding yourself with people who come from all walks of life, your path is made to feel different. On a lesser road. On the other side of the park. Reiterating this existential disunion. Reaffirming the notion of “I and them”.

The same disunion that existed;

In school at 10, yet to discover the world but already discovering her worth.

During class at 14 being told it’s odd that I have a British accent, as though something different was expected from me.

At 16, when my name couldn’t be remembered but truth is, they never learnt it in the first place.

It’s as though, my values/ethic/sense of being and living isn’t enough. 

Now imagine me, at twenty pursuing a degree at university. Gripping the idea that laying low and fitting it was the way forward, but instead sanctioning the reality that my differences were painted with one colour, and others different. Our canvas looks the same but mine is stained, whitewashed, discoloured. Or allowing the continuation of others making rash judgements about who/what I am, where I’ve come from and where I intend to stay.

Or reading an article online about a terror attack, by people who may share the same skin tone, or maybe he/she/they had a similar ring to their name as myself, and feeling a sense of dread. Of anger. Of shame. Of fear. Not because I have anything to do with them or it*, but because my image has once again become problematic, my brown skin a target and my name, difficult. Urging me to continue searching for ways in which I can convince others that I’m not them. Nor are they a representation of me. In many ways, in different situations, over and over.

That’s the path I’m made to walk. The lesser road. On the other side of the park.

Reiterating this existential disunion. Reaffirming the notion of “I and them”.

———

*it hurts me to still have to justify/defend myself

Faye x

 

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24 Comments Add yours

  1. Madiya says:

    First of all, well done on actually finding the courage to write this post. It mustn’t been easy for you! Hands up to you actually firming all of this the way you have and I honestly couldn’t have said it any better myself. Such a well-worded post which grasps meaning and holds a lot of depth to what is being told!! I can completely relate but I’ve always allowed it to not phase me but it actually bothers people. If only everyone thought like this but we are surrounded by people who have set out their own perspective and mentality on other humans.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      Ahh Madiya! I knew what I had to say but took my time with the delivery because I wanted it to be received how I wanted, if that makes sense lol! Thank you so much! I completely get what you mean! It bothers me that such attitudes still exist! Thank you for reading once again xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Terra Bryant says:

    Beautiful read and very personal. It’s always nice to hear what other people go through and the thoughts they think, especially related to racism.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      I’m glad you liked it, thank you so much! It’s unfortunate, hence my desire to share it and speak about it so others can get both an insight and understanding!

      Like

  3. This is so beautifully written and so lovely to read, thank you for sharing it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      I appreciate this so much, thank you for commenting and taking the time to read it xx

      Like

  4. sophiaaxo says:

    I was literally so lost in reading this. it is so beautiful and meaningful! Thank you so much for sharing!

    Sophia xo // https://sophiaaaxo.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      Ah that’s such a nice comment, thank you so much! I appreciate the love x

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Heather Bee says:

    Thank you for sharing; this was beautifully written and emotionally raw.

    You’re strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you so much Heather! x

      Like

  6. Eli says:

    I can relate to you entiredly… people think that racism is sth that only happens because of your skin…it goes far beyond as you say. It makes you grow a thick skin and the need to create awareness. Because we all deserve respect kindness and equality regardless our ethnicity or gender
    Absolutely well written and first hand your blog is a fresh & positive approach to a deep wound in society!

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      I’m sorry you can relate to it too. Very true, of course as I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, I’ve grown as a person because of it, in many ways that I’ve not yet discovered. I completely agree, we should live in unity – or at least make more of an effort to do so. Thank you so so much x

      Like

  7. I love this post! It really annoys me how narrow minded some people can be in this day and age. No two people are the same and no one should be tarred with the same brush. At the end of the day we are all human. I’m sorry you have to battle against these small minded people each day but keep doing you! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      It’s really frustrating to have to constantly try to convince others. Surprisingly (or, not so) there are so many narrow minded people within society, it’s shocking! Thank you so much for reading it and taking the time to comment – I appreciate it xx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. This post is written so beautifully, and I can honestly connect to it immensely. Amazing xx

    – El @ El’s Book Reviews

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      That’s so kind, thank you so very much! xx

      Like

  9. Kimberly says:

    This seriously broke my heart. You are extremely strong and you are worth so much more than anyone will let you believe. Unfortunately, we live in a very unforgiving and cruel world these days. I hope you find those people who make you feel like you are above your outward appearance… because you are.

    Much love xx
    Kimberly
    http://www.lifeofkimberly.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      Aw, i’m so grateful that you took the time to comment on the post. Thank you, that’s genuinely so so kind of you to say xx

      Like

  10. Madiha says:

    I love this so much! I can relate completely! It’s so unfair that we are treated differently! Thank you so much for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      Thanks for reading it, Madiha! It really is a shame that we have to endure it on a daily basis x

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Rand0mg4l says:

    this is amazingly written & you should be insanely proud for writting this even though you shouldn’t be needed to explain yourself ❤️

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. So so proud of you for writing this and I’m so sorry you go through this xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you so much, Ashleigh!! I really appreciate that. And no need to say sorry, you’ve not done anything wrong ofc. It’s just a shame that people as such do exist xx

      Like

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