Inner Critic

Inner Critic

I read a source which stated that ‘the average woman criticises herself 8 times a day.’ That’s more than you would ever drink tea over a few days.

Which, actually (unfortunately) isn’t that surprising. I do it. I know many others find themselves doing it too. It’s become a norm of some sorts. Embedded within our nature to be harsh on ourselves – more than we ever would to our nearest/dearest.

My question is, Would you speak to your younger self, as you do to yourself today? If you spoke to your friends how you spoke to yourself, would you have any friends left?

The answer is probably no. We’re incredibly self-critical and judgmental on almost everything we do. How we look; is our skin clear enough, does our hair look healthy, do we need to lose some extra pounds. How we speak; are we saying the right things, did we say it in the right way, do I look stupid. And how we work/operate; is our work good enough, am I progressing, why am I not. Criticising. At every opportunity. There’s always room for improvement. Change. Which is valid. But at what point does it become unhealthy/unhelpful?

Occasionally having asked yourself these questions (and I’m sure you will have) the response is no. Or rather that it’s not good enough. Neglecting the practice of self-esteem/confidence we as once young girls were taught to have. Which now, we happen to have so little of.

When you talk to yourself about something you need change, take some notice towards your choice of words. Is it loving and encouraging? Or harsh and critical?.

IMO, the words usually echo “Should” “Must” “Have to”.

Years ago, I recall finding myself sitting in an interview telling a suited stranger all these brilliant skills, talents and achievements I had under my belt. I work hard at what I want, I’m rather confident, I’ve attained one of the highest marks for English at A level, I occasionally go running which shows I’m healthy etc etc.. Which were all true. But how much of that did believe?

Yes, I work hard but it doesn’t always feel good enough.

I may seem pretty confident at times but would you believe I can fake it.

I did get one of the highest marks for English, but maybe that was luck.

(Do you see the point I’m trying to make?)

As someone who’s fast approaching her 20s, who’s stood in front of a mirror and not liked the way the dress fit or stared hopelessly at a grade back in school wondering how on earth I can do better. To look better. To be better. I know that feeling, sometimes all too often.

To see yourself and not see all that you are/can do but all that you “should”, “must” and “have to” do. The words continue to echo.

Perhaps we’ll never learn to stop criticising ourselves. Like I said previously, it seems to be in our nature. But we can learn to turn down the volume. Adjust the frequency. Drown out the noise with words which encourage us. And teach those young girls, somewhere far away reading this or somewhere deep within; that she/(he)/they is/are doing fine and right now, that’s all that matters.

The question now is, whether you still give a sh-t about the young girl still inside you. The one that was once taught/encouraged self-esteem-worth/confidence.

There are times where I am my own worst enemy. I don’t intend for the worst but I certainly don’t treat myself with the same patience/kindness as I would do if it was a loved one/friend/child I was talking to. In those moments, I judge – that I will remind myself that none of it is necessarily important. That how I present myself now, and in the future is perfect so as long I am well and trying. If I’m working as hard as I can and doing what’s best for me, surely the only person to approve/disapprove of that, is myself.

Whether I find myself being self-critical isn’t the question, it’s how/when I do. And while there may not be much (or anything) soft-spoken to say to myself at that moment, I will remind myself that I am all I can expect of/from myself. Like I would do to a younger self. To a child. To a loved one. To a friend.

Faye.

Advertisements

49 thoughts on “Inner Critic

  1. I’m still in my teens and I feel like this almost everyday.I just literally love the way you wrote this post,I never read blogposts like this but today I did and after reading this I realized so many things,the post itself spoke to me on a spiritual level.Love it.Keep up the good work and dont ever let yourself doubt your qualities.YOU are great. xx

    Like

  2. This is an amazing post and extremely relatable, I’ve just turned 25 and I still self-criticise myself every day and even though it isn’t healthy I think as I get older it’s a process I go through to protect myself, me telling me that I’m not worth it, or I can’t do it then doing it despite all that helps me, and because I’ve said it too myself if anyone spoke the words to me it wouldn’t bother me because I’ve already said it too myself if that makes sense.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s shocking as to how often we find ourselves being self critical! That’s such a different way to look at it too, kind of sad also if I’m being honest! Thank you for reading!

      Like

  3. Ah, this is something that I’m sure most people can relate to. We definitely live in a society that constantly puts themselves and each other down and it really is sad. I definitely agree that we are our own worst enemies, which is a shame, and a battle we must constantly fight. Thanks for sharing x

    whatevawears.co.uk

    Like

  4. I felt thisfor a very long time. A lot of it was due to personal experiences with bullyinng and narcissistic parents. Now that I’m nearly fully freed from that, I have decided to spend time on myself and be motivated bout myself. It’s difficult, but I believe all of us deserve to not judge outselves but love ourselves. After all, we are going spend the rest of ours lives in our own company? I think it’s best to let go of those “should” and “have to” words and replace them with “I can” and ” I want to,” but only if they are true. I think we find ourselves illing other’s ideals of us, whether we take those from our parents, teachers, partners or friends. It’s best to honestly answer to our own expecations and look after ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry for your horrid experiences, and i’m glad you’re working on yourself, for yourself. I think everyone should do it, regardless to the walk they’ve walked and the experiences they’ve had. Thank you for your comment and for reading the post x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. AH! That’s what i’ve tried to do with my posts, as a lot of bloggers focus on beauty/travel etc (and rightly so they should/can) but I wanted to create something different and i’m so glad you’ve picked up on that, thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No problem! I used to have a blog where I shared thoughts like that but no-one would read it because I didn’t really know how to expand my audience. I’m looking forward to reading more of your stuff.

        Like

      3. I’d say don’t stop sharing thoughts you want others to hear! Keep at it and the right people will read! Thank you! Look forward to sharing more too!

        Like

  5. I feel this so much – such a thoughtful post! I don’t think about it that much but now that I do, I realise that I’m prone to criticising myself way more than I would’ve thought.

    Carla x

    Like

    1. Ahh thank you Shan! We do it too often, it’s kind of sad that people put themselves down so much and that too so often! Thank you once again xox

      Like

  6. It’s a constant battle in my mind: some days I feel pretty, happy, satisfied and other days it’s exactly the opposite. I am constantly criticizing myself and I hate it! Like…why do we torture ourselves?! All of the flaws I see, no one else sees. How?! How do I see all these imperfections that no one else can see. Are they lying? It’s crazy. This is a really good blog and very well written Faye! “There are times when I am my own worst enemy”…oh yes. I relate a little too well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel like each and every one of us faces the same shift. I think it’s just natural to criticise, just we probably do it more than necessary. Thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and leave a message x

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Really awesome topic! I think it’s so common to criticise yourself and it’s reallt relevant to so many people. Brilliantly written, too.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s