Inner Critic

I read a source which stated that ‘the average woman criticises herself 8 times a day.’ That’s more than you would ever drink tea over a few days.

Which, actually (unfortunately) isn’t that surprising. I do it. I know many others find themselves doing it too. It’s become a norm of some sorts. Embedded within our nature to be harsh on ourselves – more than we ever would to our nearest/dearest.

My question is, Would you speak to your younger self, as you do to yourself today? If you spoke to your friends how you spoke to yourself, would you have any friends left?

The answer is probably no. We’re incredibly self-critical and judgmental on almost everything we do. How we look; is our skin clear enough, does our hair look healthy, do we need to lose some extra pounds. How we speak; are we saying the right things, did we say it in the right way, do I look stupid. And how we work/operate; is our work good enough, am I progressing, why am I not. Criticising. At every opportunity. There’s always room for improvement. Change. Which is valid. But at what point does it become unhealthy/unhelpful?

Occasionally having asked yourself these questions (and I’m sure you will have) the response is no. Or rather that it’s not good enough. Neglecting the practice of self-esteem/confidence we as once young girls were taught to have. Which now, we happen to have so little of.

When you talk to yourself about something you need change, take some notice towards your choice of words. Is it loving and encouraging? Or harsh and critical?.

IMO, the words usually echo “Should” “Must” “Have to”.

Years ago, I recall finding myself sitting in an interview telling a suited stranger all these brilliant skills, talents and achievements I had under my belt. I work hard at what I want, I’m rather confident, I’ve attained one of the highest marks for English at A level, I occasionally go running which shows I’m healthy etc etc.. Which were all true. But how much of that did believe?

Yes, I work hard but it doesn’t always feel good enough.

I may seem pretty confident at times but would you believe I can fake it.

I did get one of the highest marks for English, but maybe that was luck.

(Do you see the point I’m trying to make?)

As someone who’s fast approaching her 20s, who’s stood in front of a mirror and not liked the way the dress fit or stared hopelessly at a grade back in school wondering how on earth I can do better. To look better. To be better. I know that feeling, sometimes all too often.

To see yourself and not see all that you are/can do but all that you “should”, “must” and “have to” do. The words continue to echo.

Perhaps we’ll never learn to stop criticising ourselves. Like I said previously, it seems to be in our nature. But we can learn to turn down the volume. Adjust the frequency. Drown out the noise with words which encourage us. And teach those young girls, somewhere far away reading this or somewhere deep within; that she/(he)/they is/are doing fine and right now, that’s all that matters.

The question now is, whether you still give a sh-t about the young girl still inside you. The one that was once taught/encouraged self-esteem-worth/confidence.

There are times where I am my own worst enemy. I don’t intend for the worst but I certainly don’t treat myself with the same patience/kindness as I would do if it was a loved one/friend/child I was talking to. In those moments, I judge – that I will remind myself that none of it is necessarily important. That how I present myself now, and in the future is perfect so as long I am well and trying. If I’m working as hard as I can and doing what’s best for me, surely the only person to approve/disapprove of that, is myself.

Whether I find myself being self-critical isn’t the question, it’s how/when I do. And while there may not be much (or anything) soft-spoken to say to myself at that moment, I will remind myself that I am all I can expect of/from myself. Like I would do to a younger self. To a child. To a loved one. To a friend.

Faye.

Advertisements

51 Comments Add yours

  1. Wow, I’d say you hit the nail on the head with this. I’m 35 and have amazing friends, husband ( who thinks I am more beautiful than anything) and I still self criticize. For me it is really hard to get out of until and stop and think about my creator. He who made me, made me perfectly. Crazy right. He knows every flaw I see and calls it planned and beautiful. I stop and think of an artist and a finished painting. What would that artist feel if the painting was always criticizing itself. The artist would think the painting shouldn’t feel bad but I should. I created it to look this way on purpose and it’s unhappy.
    That really puts into perspective for me what I should feel for myself. Love love love your writing style. Beautiful and you my blogger friend are beautiful.

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      I honestly think it’s natural/normal. It’s just unfortunate we do it so much and that too so often. You’ve put it so well, I agree/resonate with what you’ve said. Thank you for your comment, really do appreciate it. Thank you.

      Like

  2. Nini says:

    You literally never fail to give me chills and open my eyes to something, you’re such a stunning writer! Thank you for writing this, it’s given me something to think about

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      That means so much to me, thank you!!! Appreciate you taking the time to come back to my blog and read x

      Like

  3. This was so well written, it really made me think, we’re all far too self critical, I loved this so much x

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you mollie! Appreciate the feedback xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Pakiimudoll says:

    I’m still in my teens and I feel like this almost everyday.I just literally love the way you wrote this post,I never read blogposts like this but today I did and after reading this I realized so many things,the post itself spoke to me on a spiritual level.Love it.Keep up the good work and dont ever let yourself doubt your qualities.YOU are great. xx

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      Ahh thank you so so much that means a lot! Keep well xx

      Like

  5. This is an amazing post and extremely relatable, I’ve just turned 25 and I still self-criticise myself every day and even though it isn’t healthy I think as I get older it’s a process I go through to protect myself, me telling me that I’m not worth it, or I can’t do it then doing it despite all that helps me, and because I’ve said it too myself if anyone spoke the words to me it wouldn’t bother me because I’ve already said it too myself if that makes sense.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      It’s shocking as to how often we find ourselves being self critical! That’s such a different way to look at it too, kind of sad also if I’m being honest! Thank you for reading!

      Like

      1. I agree it is sad but I’m working on it and it gets better the older I get, as you get older you gain this f@#k it mentality haha 🙂

        Like

      2. Faye says:

        I’d also like to think that we get better with age, and haha that’s the right mentality 😆

        Liked by 1 person

  6. emslilthings says:

    This is such a great post! – ems .xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Eva says:

    Ah, this is something that I’m sure most people can relate to. We definitely live in a society that constantly puts themselves and each other down and it really is sad. I definitely agree that we are our own worst enemies, which is a shame, and a battle we must constantly fight. Thanks for sharing x

    whatevawears.co.uk

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      We’re all guilty of doing it so much more than we should/need to. Thank you for reading!

      Like

  8. PopularIsWrong says:

    I felt thisfor a very long time. A lot of it was due to personal experiences with bullyinng and narcissistic parents. Now that I’m nearly fully freed from that, I have decided to spend time on myself and be motivated bout myself. It’s difficult, but I believe all of us deserve to not judge outselves but love ourselves. After all, we are going spend the rest of ours lives in our own company? I think it’s best to let go of those “should” and “have to” words and replace them with “I can” and ” I want to,” but only if they are true. I think we find ourselves illing other’s ideals of us, whether we take those from our parents, teachers, partners or friends. It’s best to honestly answer to our own expecations and look after ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      I’m so sorry for your horrid experiences, and i’m glad you’re working on yourself, for yourself. I think everyone should do it, regardless to the walk they’ve walked and the experiences they’ve had. Thank you for your comment and for reading the post x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. PopularIsWrong says:

        Thanks for writing it! It’s a real breath of fresh air between all the lifestyle and make-up reviews that come up on my feed. All the best x

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Faye says:

        AH! That’s what i’ve tried to do with my posts, as a lot of bloggers focus on beauty/travel etc (and rightly so they should/can) but I wanted to create something different and i’m so glad you’ve picked up on that, thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. PopularIsWrong says:

        No problem! I used to have a blog where I shared thoughts like that but no-one would read it because I didn’t really know how to expand my audience. I’m looking forward to reading more of your stuff.

        Like

      4. Faye says:

        I’d say don’t stop sharing thoughts you want others to hear! Keep at it and the right people will read! Thank you! Look forward to sharing more too!

        Like

  9. I feel this so much – such a thoughtful post! I don’t think about it that much but now that I do, I realise that I’m prone to criticising myself way more than I would’ve thought.

    Carla x

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you so much, we really do it all too much x

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This is so true, its just a bad habit to be self critical!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      I too only stopped to realise how critical we can be when drafting this post!

      Like

  11. Rea@CheapClothes4Heauxs says:

    Love this post, some serious food for thought

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you so much, I’m glad you liked it 🙂

      Like

  12. Wow! I love this post. So well written and such important points you have made. 💞👏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you so much, I really do appreciate that xx

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I love posts that make you think like this 🙂

    Becca xo
    http://www.blogs.becx.co.uk

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      I loved writing it too! Got me thinking along the way! Thanks for the feedback x

      Like

  14. Faye this is a fantastic post! I reckon we’re all guilty of doing this and i’m glad you’ve spoken about it!! Shan | Shutupshan.com xx

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      Ahh thank you Shan! We do it too often, it’s kind of sad that people put themselves down so much and that too so often! Thank you once again xox

      Like

  15. Blue Settia says:

    It’s a constant battle in my mind: some days I feel pretty, happy, satisfied and other days it’s exactly the opposite. I am constantly criticizing myself and I hate it! Like…why do we torture ourselves?! All of the flaws I see, no one else sees. How?! How do I see all these imperfections that no one else can see. Are they lying? It’s crazy. This is a really good blog and very well written Faye! “There are times when I am my own worst enemy”…oh yes. I relate a little too well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      I feel like each and every one of us faces the same shift. I think it’s just natural to criticise, just we probably do it more than necessary. Thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and leave a message x

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I can’t agree more, we all criticize ourselves to a point where we start to believe things. Stay strong and think happy thoughts:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you 🙂

      Like

  17. BeautyByEmm says:

    This is a great post, it really got me thinking!

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you! I’m thoroughly glad it did 🙂

      Like

  18. Eight times a day?! You had me right from that first comment… so sad how we view ourselves after the norms society pushes onto us xo

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      I know, it’s insane! I knew we do it a lot, especially as women (with the pressures of soc) but I didn’t think it’d be as often as 8 times a day x

      Liked by 1 person

  19. This post was so thoughtful!! Lovely work and really well written x

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you so so much!

      Like

  20. csmith137 says:

    Really awesome topic! I think it’s so common to criticise yourself and it’s reallt relevant to so many people. Brilliantly written, too.

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      Thank you so much! I appreciate that. Worked hard to give it a good delivery. We all do it, everyday unfortunately. Thanks for reading, and your feedback!

      Liked by 1 person

  21. It’s always easy to self criticise we just need to learn to not worry and be happy 😊

    Like

    1. Faye says:

      I completely agree 🙂 Thanks for reading

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s